at the limit of all the light we know
balancing delicately
we peer into darkness
harnessed by our loved ones to stop us falling
if we step forward
we have to believe
our feet will find a firm floor
or our parachutes will open
to risk is to live - or die
staying still
trepidation fills our minds
telling us
we are only here for a while
as we breathe into the night
the mist hovers momentarily
capturing traces of moonlight
brief promises of remission appear
our lungs hold and exhale gold dust
stars and galaxies enveloped in one breath
a reminder
we are only here for a while
the waning moon doubts nights ahead
of retreat, relapse and hiding
when the new moon appears
we know the darkness
a worry that it may not grow
and reveal its fullness and
roundness of being
it is a cycle of light and dark
we dare to hope
yet to voice
words of possibility
a cure and a future
is to pull clouds over the moon
shutting out its glow
so yes
we fear
let us cling to the harness of love that holds us
knowing
we are only here for a while
Inspired by Audre Lorde’s poem, A Litany for Survival. I wrote Impermanence over several months but it all came together in October 2022 when I was told I was back in remission, having relapsed in January. So wonderful but scary knowing that one never stands still in time and we simply can’t tell what will happen in the future. The fragility of our situation. True to form, by the end of November 2022 I had relapsed again! Ah well!
September 2023 is Blood Cancer Awareness Month. It is also Child Cancer Awareness Month. Every day 10 children in the UK are diagnosed with cancer. Of those lucky enough to survive, many will have long-term side-effects that may significantly impact their lives forever.
I am posting one poem per day to recognise this and raise money for the Ellen MacArthur Cancer Trust. This charity provides sailing and other outdoor adventures for children and young people aged 8-24 who have been treated for cancer. But it’s more than that. There’s a package of support around this including siblings, return trips, volunteering opportunities and so on. The Trust also works hard to ensure their work is environmentally sustainable. You can make a donation HERE!
This line "we are only here for awhile" is why I return time and again to the words of a poet as a source of peace. Working with children in nature, I am daily reminded of impermanence when I look into their eyes, when I look to the skies, and when I look upon a budding flower or a seed pod. I am drawn to the work of ephemeral artists -- Christo, Goldsworthy, Tiravanija, Margolles, Saraceno, Navajo sand painters, and indeed even the hands of children on a muddy riverbank. Until reading this poem, I have never really thought about how each human life is actually a type of ephemeral art. This thought extends a web to a favorite quote from Thomas Merton, "If only we could see each other that way [impermanent in Juliet's imagery] all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed. I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. " Peace be with you, Juliet.
Delicately beautiful, I’m touched by the cadence and shape of this poem. Akin to breathing, tides and the relaxing and remitting nature of your condition. Although, incredibly difficult, thank you for finding the words to share your way through the ebb and flow of your experience. Xx